Ahhhh, self love. Sometimes, it’s not so fun, certainly never comes naturally, and is shockingly complex to practice, despite the simplicity of the concept: Just be okay with yourself. Not over the moon, not conceited, just not self-loathing, really. Though most of us strive to better ourselves in the self-care/love/acceptance department, and ours is a generation of self-awareness in general, we (as young women) seem to be fighting this fight every minute of every day! And our failure to succeed in self love often leaves us feeling even worse about ourselves- like why can’t I see what my girlfriends, partner and mom see when I look in the mirror? How does my brain convince me that I have gained 35 pounds overnight from one birthday dessert (split three ways, of course. Who would let themselves eat an entire dessert on their own?!)? And how come. on some days, my face literally just bothers me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
I say nothing. I say I’m human. And if you share these struggles, I say you are too.
If self-love were easy, there wouldn’t be entire sections of culture, bookstores, methodologies, and coaches available to aid in the process of not hating ourselves, so be gentle with yourself. Be okay with the bad days, focus on the good, and practice self acceptance when you can.
- Transform your thoughts. Okay, I know how this sounds. It sounds like bull. So don’t bullshit yourself! If you’re looking at your thighs, going, “GROOOOOSSS!” then trying to tell yourself, “No, no, no. Your thighs are beautiful and perfect as they are,” will not help. You’ll end up either frustrated that you can’t convince yourself, or more fixated on flaws you see. So instead of trying to curb your attitude, simply shift your attention. If you’re hating your flaws today, focus on something you do like about yourself- like, “Yeah, my thighs aren’t where I want them to be, but dang, my hair is incredible!” or turn your hated of the small spare tire you acquired over Christmas break into, “but my smile is freakin’ dazzling!” This way you won’t inevitably end up being harder on yourself for being unsuccessful in positivity. Be kind to yourself, but be real with yourself.
- Ditch the B*tch. We all have that one friend that’s not fully supportive, or makes self-deprecating comments in order to fish for compliments. It is not good for you to be around this attitude! Maybe you finally call them out on this behavior and help them figure out why they do it and how to fill whatever cup is empty in their wheelhoss or limit your time spent with them, or cut them out of your life completely, but figuring out who (and how) your support community thrives is crucial to a healthy relationship with yourself. So, the next time your leggy, model-like friend takes you out for ice cream and then points to her flat-as-a-plank stomach and says, “This is where I keep my extra cookies (or ice cream),” don’t let it slide. Tell them how that makes you feel! And let them know that there are a lot kinder, more humble ways to seek validation- if that’s what they’re in need of. Also, beware of friends that only hand out backhanded compliments. If you only get their support when it behooves them or doesn’t threaten their status, ditch ’em. A friends is only a friend if they are with you 100%. That’s not to say that all relationships won’t have their ups and downs, but if every congratulatory comment is followed by a weird, bullshit qualifier (i.e. “You did really good in that race… for it being your first time!“), maybe take a look at that relationship and see if it’s really helping you be the best version of yourself possible. Roll with the chicks that lift you up, unconditionally.
- Let it Roll. Some days are really tough. Some days you can’t win. Some days you’re out of coffee, so you pay $10 for a “treat” latte and immediately spill it on your new white jeans. Or you might wake up with a Mount Vesuvius-sized zit on your forehead the day of your professional head shots. These days suck, plain and simple, so let them be just that! When you have negative thoughts, you won’t always be capable of remedying them; so, if you’re having one of those days, just try to notice the bad thoughts, acknowledge them and let them pass. Don’t obsess over negativity! There’s no need to beat yourself up for feeling crummy! We are all allowed to have a bad day every now and then and observing negativity without attaching to it is a great practice for stomping it out entirely.
- Be Lazy. In a society of GO GO GO it isn’t always easy to allow yourself a day off. You’ll try to spend the evening on the couch, but then see what everyone else is doing on Instagram and immediately feel insecure about your lackadaisical hour. So unplug if you need to or simply remind yourself that even the Crossfit babes and yoga models need rest days or days to eat junk food and binge-watch Netflix. We can’t always perform at 110% or we’ll end up burnt out, injured, or literally insane. Unwind every now and then! Give yourself permission to do nothing.
- Carpe the shit outta that Diem. Take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves before you. Don’t be intimidated by or talk yourself out of stepping into new territory for whatever reason. Feel like you’ll be the awkward chubby girl in your first Barre class? Who cares?! If anyone looks down upon you for your performance or physique in a fitness class, they’re not only missing the point entirely, but also probably struggling hard with their own journey to self-love. Remember that a stranger’s nasty projections usually come from ugly places within not because of you. What if you can’t make it to the Barre class? Or you really just can’t bring yourself to find enough bravery to take the plunge? Then just take yourself for a micro-adventure! You’ll still benefit from small achievements, both physically and mentally, so don’t sell the little stuff short!
You follow Meesh on her journey in the mountains and just everyday life by clicking here.
Ladies Get Outside 